This is general, practical guidance — not personalized advice. If you want a safety plan built around your specific situation, thehotline.org's free interactive planning tool, built by trained advocates, is worth doing alongside this page.
Knowing where things are — and having a backup copy outside the home — removes a huge source of stress if you ever need to move quickly.
ID, passport, birth certificate, lease or mortgage paperwork, insurance cards, vehicle title.
A trusted friend or family member, a work locker, a safety deposit box, or scanned and emailed to yourself.
Account numbers, your doctor, any attorney you've spoken with — stored somewhere only you control.
Shared property, valuables, anything relevant to a future conversation about who owns what.
If trust has broken down, your digital footprint is worth a second look — quietly, not as an accusation.
Find My, shared calendars, fitness apps, and family-locator apps often share more than people realize.
If passwords have ever been shared or guessed, change them — email, banking, and cloud storage first.
Photos, messages, or records of threats — backed up to an account she can't access.
For anything sensitive, use a device or browser she doesn't have access to.
Financial clarity — for you, not against anyone — makes every later decision less stressful.
List out accounts, debts, and who has access to what.
Even a small one gives you a financial footing that's entirely yours.
A modest cushion you can reach without needing anyone's approval.
Pay stubs, statements, and bills — useful for your own planning either way.
Having this ready costs you nothing and means you're never starting from zero.
A change of clothes, phone charger, any medications, copies of key documents, some cash.
With a trusted friend, in your car, or at work — somewhere you can get to without a conversation first.
Not just saved in your phone — a trusted friend, family member, and your own backup contact.
Not "figure it out," but an address — a friend's place, family, or a short-term rental.
This section matters most. If any part of your relationship has become physically frightening, please also read the note below.
Think through how you'd leave a room or the house quickly, before you ever need to.
A code word or a scheduled text so someone notices if you go quiet.
If you're ever physically afraid, leave and get somewhere safe first — sort everything else out after.
Photos with dates and a brief written note can matter later, for your own clarity or for legal protection.
This community offers peer support and general information — it is not therapy, legal advice, or a crisis service. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, call 911 (US). For confidential support related to an unhealthy or abusive relationship, the National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233, thehotline.org) supports men as well as women, 24/7.